Uncertain Feelings
by The-crazy-lone-wolf77
Summary: Nicks never been one for commitment, so what happens when Judy wants to be a little more than friends?
It's funny how far I've come from what I used to be. I mean, who would have ever thought that a con-fox, like myself, that started at the age of twelve up until I was 28, could ever end up in the position that I have. Not only have I put the life of crime behind me, but I've actually done a complete U-turn in the opposite direction and became something that I had avoided for the majority of my life: a cop. And not to brag or anything, but the first fox cop in Zootopia history. I have definitely gained myself a reputation around the city, and I'm not all that sure if it's a good or bad thing yet. Let's just say that going from a criminal that tries to keep a low profile to a celebrity cop, it's a little unsettling. But I guess I can't complain to much, the positive comments I hear now are a big plus to what they used to be; that's for sure.

Though, I can't take all the credit for turning my life around; actually, I can't take hardly any of it. If a certain bunny hadn't made her way into my life, I'd still be hustling out on the streets with Finnick. But I guess I'm one of the lucky ones that was actually able to get off the streets. How this happened, well that's a long story for another day. Anyway, Judy was the one who had completely flipped my life upside down; in a good way, of course. And I'm glad that it was her.

For years I had emotionally shut myself down, going by a little saying I made up at a young age: don't let them see that they get to you. After a scaring childhood incident, this became my way of life for years. Others would pester me and harass me for being a fox- animals who weren't considered trustworthy. But I ignored them and just went on with my life, shutting out everyone I ever came into contact with, including my family. It wasn't until Judy came around that I found myself again. With her help I shifter my entire paradigm of the world around me. Even if Zootopia still isn't all that it's cracked up to be, I've started becoming a little more optimistic about it. I've come around to see the beauty of the place I have lived in for years, one that I never cared to ever notice.

Yep, Judy has helped me in more ways then she can ever imagine; not that I'd ever tell her that. I've made a better life for myself due to her help and support for me. A support no one had ever given me; except maybe my own mother. But Judy was a little more than that, she is my best friend and has been for these last two years. Our friendship has flourished and I couldn't asked for anyone better. We knew nearly everything about each other, though I have kept a few things out of her knowledge. We even share an apartment with each other. I had suggested that we get one with joint ownership since she lived in an undersized one, and mine wasn't in the safest of neighborhoods. So about a year ago we moved in with each other, still strictly as friends, and that's what we've stayed. But things seem to be changing for us, and I don't know how I feel about it.

We always tend to flirt with one another, but they usually don't mean anything, they're just little teases and jokes to mess with each other. But lately, they've just been different. They are starting to sound a little more sincere then they ever had, from both of us. I know I've started feeling different around her, but could I really be falling for this bunny, my best friend? The thought isn't all that bad, but I've just never had a good track record with dating. Usually it's just me getting together with some bitc... bad woman, and eventually I just leave them. I know Judy's different, much different in fact, but I guess I've just never been the one for relationships. Hell, I'm 30 now and still a virgin; again, not that I'd ever let Judy know that. But love, it felt kind of foreign to me. The only love I have ever really received was from my parents, but that was different, this is different. I guess that's why I'm out her, now isn't it.

I was walking down the street in the middle of Downtown, not really having any destination in mind. It was quite a beautiful night out- the stars blanketing the darkened sky with their incredible glow. It was a little chilly out, a cool breeze blowing threw the streets; not really surprising since winter is just around the corner. Some cars ran up and down the streets, while even fewer animals inhabited the sidewalks. It was a much different sight from the day time, where usually thousands of animals roamed around. Now it was vacant from most.

I always loved walking the streets at night; it gives me a calming feeling. When I was younger and I couldn't sleep my mom would walk me around and point out stars to me until I fell asleep. That became a regular thing with me throughout life, and now whenever I need to clear my hear and or think, I come to the streets. Its gotten to be a bit more dangerous from the time I was a kid, luckily I knew where to be and where not to be at certain points during the night. One of the many advantages I held from my life of crime.

I had left mine and Carrots apartment nearly an hour ago and had just been walking around ever since, just trying to get my head around certain things that happened. I even managed to forget about it for a while, just being able to take in the beauty of the city. That is until I stumbled upon a certain building: The First Precinct. Upon first glance at it my mind immediately snapped back to her and the conversation we had. Like I said, Judy and I had been growing closer lately, and apparently Judy had taken a notice into it just like I had. Only she thought like we had to talk about it.

It had started off like any other Friday night; Judy was lounging around in the front room listening to some music she had turned on, while I was making dinner, since it was my night to do so. which was fortunate for us since Judy wasn't the best of cooks; she's okay, but nowhere near my skills of cooking. I like to tease her about it a lot, much to her annoyance.

We had just finished up a case a couple days ago, and finally today we were able to finish all the paperwork for it. It was a messy thing: triple murder with some other details I'd rather not go into. The whole thing was just a nightmare that ended with him killing himself while I tried to talk him out of it. Let's just say that I'm happy all of that is over and done with, and I'm here with my best friend relaxing for the night.

My ears perked up when I heard the music stop. Then moments later, Judy came strolling into the kitchen looking a little on edge. She walked up next to me and leaned up against the counter and kind of teetered on her feet.

"What's up, Fluff?" I asked in a playful tone. She used to get annoyed when I called her things like that, usually punching me playfully in the shoulder and scolding me for it; especially when I would call her cute, since that was a bit racist to bunnies. But now she didn't mind them at all; actually, she kind of likes them.

She stayed there and swayed a couple of times looking like she was in deep thought about something. Eventually she brought her eyes up from the ground until they met mine. We stared at each other for awhile awkwardly, neither of us saying anything.

"Well, you going to talk or just stare at me like that for the rest of the night?" I questioned with a slight laugh, looking back down at the soup I was cooking. A carrot and cricket stew; a mixture between my favorite things, and Judy's.

She blushed and looked away shyly. Which was kind of an odd thing for her to do; usually she would have come up with some sort of remark to at least defend herself, but all she did was blush and try to avoid. Something seemed wrong and I was going to be to the bottom of it. I turned down the temperature of the stove to let the soup just simmer for awhile, then I turned my attention towards Judy.

"What's going on, what do you need to tell me?" I questioned as I crossed my arms with a raised brow. She tried to make eye contact with me again, but every time she did she covered her face and quickly looked away. I couldn't tell what was happening, but I could tell that it was serious and important to her.

I squatted down so I was at eye level with her and I put one of my paws on her shoulder. She tensed up for a second, but quickly relaxed. "You know you can tell me anything" I assured her, trying to make her as comfortable as possible.

"Have you ever wanted to do something, but you know that doing it will cause others to hate you?" She questioned. This caused me to go into a deeper confusion because I had absolutely no idea where she was trying to go with this, but I might as well answer her questions.

I gave a small grin and a little chuckle. "Carrots, I was a con artist, remember? Animals hated everything I did" I told her. Her groan indicated to me that wasn't the answer she was looking for.

"Yes, I have" I told her, seeing as this wasn't a time to joke anymore.

"And what happened?" She asked.

"I did what I've always done, ignored them and did it anyway because it made me happy." She closed her eyes and slowly nodded her head. Why was she asking me these things? It wasn't common for Judy to act like this. She was usually calm and collected, but now she was nervous and on edge and asking very strange questions.

"Nick, I've been think a lot lately, about us" She stated. I raised a brow in interest. What about us? "We've been around each other for quite some time now; been living under the same roof for awhile. In that time we've really gotten to know each other. I've shared things with you that I've never told anyone else, not even to my parents. And you've done the same for me" She paused for a moment as she stared deep into my eyes, and I stared right back at her beautiful violet eyes. ... wait, did I just say her eyes were beautiful?

"Nick, I really don't know how to say this. Its such a simple thing to say, and yet it's turning out to be very difficult. I guess what I'm trying to say is that, I think I've fallen in love with you"

She stared up at me with wide hopeful eyes, waiting for me to respond to her. I stared down at her blankly, still trying to process what she had just said to me. Did she, my best friend, my partner, my FRIEND, just tell me that she loves me? I didn't know how to react.

A feeling of shock and panic soon came over me and my ears pressed themselves on my head while my eyes widened. My breathing soon started to increase and I didn't know what to do. No one's ever told me that before, not since my mother. Sure, Judy's said that she loved me before, but that was more of a friendly love. This was more serious, I could here the passion and love in her voice. I don't know why, but I was freaking out, not being able to look Judy in the eyes anymore, avoiding her gaze at all cost.

I stuttered for something, anything, to say but no words came from my mouth. All I could do was stutter like an idiot as I looked wildly around the room. There was so much tension built up and I just couldn't take any of this anymore, I was going crazy from those simple words. The next thing I knew was I ran out the door of the apartment without saying a word, leaving Judy all alone.

And that's how I ended up walking around in the middle of the night. It has been about two hours since the conversation Judy and I had, and the more I dwelt on it the more guilty I was feeling. What kind of animal am I to just leave her hanging without a single answer? She pushed her fear away and told me her most secret thing that she held from me, and I ran. What is wrong with me?

I mean, I guess it's been a long time since someone told me they loved me. The last time I can remember someone saying that would be from my mom a long time ago. I'm just not really used to it. But I can't make any excuses for leaving Judy alone. I probably just left her there, heartbroken and confused. The worst thing about it is that I think I love her too. Man, it's so weird saying that. Not because it's Judy, because I've never held these feelings for anyone else. Its all just so foreign to me.

But even with my fear, that doesn't mean that Judy deserves to be alone right now. I stopped walking for a second and took a deep breath, then I changed my direction and started heading back to the apartment. I was going to find a way to make this up to her, and hopefully, somehow, I'd be able to tell her how I feel.

It took me a while, but I eventually made it to the bottom of the steps where our apartment was. I didn't see any lights on which told me that Judy was probably in her bed. It killed me to think that she was probably crying herself to sleep, all because I did something stupid. I took a deep breath and put away any fear I was having; this wasn't about me anymore, this was about making sure that Judy was happy. This time I would actually stick around and talk to her, not leave in a panicked state.

I walked straight in, the door not being locked. Judy knew I liked to take walks at night and knew that I always come back. I made my way through the dark apartment, not needing any light due to my natural night vision, and eventually got to Judy's room. I stood behind the closed door for who knows how long just trying to think of what I was going to say to her. This is a big step in our relationship and our life, it's nothing to take lightly; especially with us being a fox and a rabbit. Not everyone likes the thought of that still.

I took another deep breath and knocked on the door... there was no response, but I could of sworn I heard some sheets rustling. She probably didn't want to talk to me at this moment, but I had to do it now or I may never have the courage to do it again. So I just went in anyway.

I saw Judy lying down in the bed, her back facing towards me. It was obvious she was still awake; I've seen her asleep and she doesn't look like this. But I didn't acknowledge that I knew she was faking; instead, I went over and sat on the corner of her bed where I'd share with her my true feelings.

"I understand if you don't want to talk to me, Judy, what I did was stupid and a inconsiderate. You probably thought that I was rejecting you or something along those lines, but in all honesty it was because I was scared. Someone like me isn't used to be committed to things like love. Sure, I've had girlfriends, but they were for... other reason that I am not particularly proud of. But that's besides the point. The thing is, I do love you and I have for awhile now. I guess I've just always felt that I didn't deserve someone like you. I don't deserve much of anything, actually. With my past history it's a miracle I live the way I do today. And who do I have to thank? You. You're the reason for me bettering myself, and for my great job, and this wonderful apartment. You're the reason for everything good in my life. And what have I done for you? Mostly just annoyed the hell out of you, and also make sure your dnot stare to death" I chuckled a bit at that last part. I did tend to annoy her quite a bit, and she couldn't cook to save her life.

There was silence for awhile. I couldn't tell if she was thinking or if that was a sign for me to get out. After a little while longer, I figured she wanted me to leave. So with a heavy sigh I began to get up, only to be stopped by a lamp being turned on and when I felt her start to crawl across the bed. She put a paw on mine causing me to look back at her. I was met with beautiful watery violet eyes. The only thing that told me she wasn't sad was her bright smile.

"Did you really mean all of that?" She finally asked. I nodded my head.

"Every last word." I swear I had never seen her smile brighter then when I told her that. She giggled uncontrollably like a little school girl, which wasn't at all like her. It was actually really cute. Not that I'd tell her that unless I wanted to get hit. She calmed down after awhile and brought me into a tight hug.

"And by the way, Nick, you shouldn't be so hard on yourself. You've come so far from what you used to be. Not many animals in your position are able to get their lives back on track like you have. And I'm just so proud of what you've become."

If I wasn't such an emotional brick, I probably would be crying right now. Instead I just squeezed her harder and smiled wider. I've never been in a serious relationship, nor had I even planned to be in one. I've spent my life bouncing around from place to place, going from partner to partner; I've never been committed to anything, much less a lovely little bunny. But now here I was, about to take a giant step forward not only for our relationship, but for myself.

We pulled away from each other enough to look into one another's eyes. Oh, how beautiful this bunny is, and how lucky I am to have her in my life. I gave her a small kids on the lips then pressed my forehead against hers. I knew for a fact that our life was going to be a lot more interesting now that we were a couple. Being partners at work and now being a pair, that might cause some trouble with Bogo; relationships in the work environment always caused some sort of drama. Then there was the whole social aspect of it; a lot of animals still saw interspecies relationships as an unholy thing. Then there was the fact of trying to keep this out of the media's eye. Who knows what the news would do if they caught wind of this. But none of that mattered right now. The only thing that I wanted to focus on right now was Judy, and Judy alone. And I knew that no matter what, our life's were going to change forever. For better or worse? I couldn't be sure yet.

"I love you, Judy," I whispered softly to her.

"And I love you, Nicolas"


End file.
